Yours truly was interviewed
on Coach Chat, which is sponsored by the International Coach Federation’s
New York City Chapter. What started out as a professional experience to promote coaching, led to a fun and meaningful program
with Elizabeth Cassidy, founder of Coaching for the Creative Soul and one of the leading
ladies of Coaches on the Edge.
Listen
to our 30-minute discussion on Coach Chat about the top career challenges people face today, using social
media, work-life balance, how I balance my life, and more.
Let me know what you think.
Share what's on your mind and see what others have
to say using the Comments link. No sign up necessary.
I kind of lied . . . That's the truth.
You're probably thinking, "What's the big deal? Everyone lies now and then."
Well,
even though what some are considering my lie was meant to
avoid hurting others and steer clear of a conversation or two that would have been painful for me, it caused lots of unnecessary
drama, which was the last thing I needed.
I was invited to a baby shower for the first time since
giving up on trying to get pregnant. Lucky for me, I don't get invited to too many baby showers. Traditionally, Jews don't
have them, since we don't buy things for children before they're born. Actually, many of my non-Jewish friends don't have
them either, so I've been spared from this dilemma the last two-and-a-half years.
Coming to terms
with my infertility was one of the most difficult challenges for me. Now, don't worry. For the most part, I'm in a good place
with it and am very much looking forward to adopting — providing lots of love, a home, and a family to children who
need me, too.
As much as I embrace my destiny, there are times when the questions come back, especially
why and how, along with the pain that no one other than a woman who cannot conceive or carry a child through pregnancy
can understand.
Thankfully, as time passes, the pain diminishes and is felt less often. You
push it aside and move on, so I wouldn't have thought that going to a baby shower would be a challenge for me at this stage.
As it approached, I started to feel very uncomfortable. I decided I'd go away that weekend. I'd get in a nice dose of R &
R and avoid the potentially painful experience.
I thought about how many people would have something
to say. Those in the know would share their pity glances
and say, "I still can't believe it. You'd be a great mom. Life is so unfair." And, those who have no idea what I
went through would tell me I should "consider having a child at my age, before it's too late." This, of course,
would silence those in the know who'd stare and wait for
my response. The awkwardness would be unbearable, but have to be endured for the four-hour party. Ugh!
So,
as much as I was trying to push myself to attend, I couldn't bring myself to do it. My mom, who probably sensed something
was up, was encouraging me to respond, regardless of my answer. After hearing about it one too many times and realizing I
wasn't going to force myself to attend, I pulled out the invitation to check how the responses were requested. Great! By phone
or by e-mail. I chose the latter thinking it was the easy way out.
That's when it happened. Instead
of sharing my feelings, which I didn't think was necessary, I declined and mentioned I was "trying to go away for the
weekend." Big mistake! My response was very poorly received. It was deemed unacceptable, not the truth, and therefore
a lie.
All right. Now what? I
didn't want to hurt anyone. I just didn't want to attend. Since my reason
for declining wasn't good enough, I decided to share the truth. At this point, however, that wasn't good enough, too.
What went wrong?
First, my desire not to be one of those people who responds as "attending"
and cancels the day of an event was not appreciated. Second, the time I took trying to push myself to attend made my reason
unbelievable. Third, I didn't lie well.
Some
of you are probably thinking that I'm going to wrap this up with a righteous ending, encouraging everyone the world over to
tell the whole truth at all times, but I'm not. Certainly not in cases like this.
A quick call
— with a concrete lie — on the day I knew the shower's date would have sufficed. "Oh, I'd love to attend,
but I'll be in Tahiti on a fact-finding mission about the effects of sunbathing on 40-something Jewish females . . . "
Lesson
learned. Lie well, or don't lie at all.
Share what's on your mind and see what others have to say using the Comments link. No sign up necessary.
As I was thinking about the best way to wrap up our focus on health and wellness, I was wondering if any of what was
discussed made a difference — even for just one person.
Looking around, I see so many of my
friends, peers, and family members not taking good care of themselves. Not eating well. Not exercising. Not finding ways to
reduce or relieve stress. Not delving into how to live happy, fulfilling lives.
I know how you get
to that place. I know how difficult it is to break out of it.
But, I also know how much adopting
healthy habits that work for you is worth the effort. I know how satisfying and enjoyable it is to be doing what you love
and leading a well-balanced life.
Even if you haven’t started focusing on what you’d like or need
to change, I hope the ideas and information presented made an impact, so you can embrace life after the big 4 - 0 and beyond.
As I thought more about whether or not anyone was listening, it dawned on me that I was not only listening, but also
taking action.
Thinking about our conversation with Brooke Miller, founder of Soapbox Therapy, I’ve been considering the pressures of feeling stuck between
life stages, the should-ing epidemic, and supposed to syndrome. Even more importantly, I’ve been thinking about next steps to make
sure the challenges of life after 40 don’t hold me back.
For my body and spirit, I added more
exercise and relaxation to my routine, and I re-evaluated stress-agents and how to avoid them. Over the last two months, I
also lost nearly 20 pounds, a few on my own at first and the rest with Weight Watchers.
So, maybe the most
important person I made a difference for this time was me.
Hope you're
joining in and giving yourself the best opportunity for a great life today and a fabulous future.
